Tag Archives: children’s books

Sequelphobia

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tollbooth waterfall

I’m writing a sequel, and I’m terrified. Yes, I know, there’s not a lot of pity for someone who has to write a sequel. Boo hoo, you sold two books.

But, I never intended to write a series, and I am a YA book buyer for an indie bookstore who leads a monthly group of teen readers, so every four weeks, teens complain to me that the second or third book in a series is a HUGE disappointment.

Why? The character changes in book 2. The dynamic girl they fell in love with becomes weak and needy. The romantic triangle turns boring. A character they didn’t really like in book one takes over book two.

Not surprising then, that writing a sequel that will equal book one feels impossible to me at times. In fact, I had a dark night of the soul after I signed the contract and committed to delivering a 100,000 word manuscript in one year.

tollbooth nightIt was ironic and, perhaps, predestined when I snagged a last-minute spot at a weekend retreat with Martha Alderson, The Plot Whisperer. It was after midnight in my dark night, and I’d begun to read and work through her approach, and to feel my way towards book two.

I knew my sequel had to resolve the unfinished business of book one. My character had transformed from tentative to strong, but she was still in danger. Her romance had blossomed, but was still at risk.

Luckily, I was finishing rewrites on book one so I could leave more plot points unresolved. And my genius editor had forced me to add a hunky character in the last part of the book–insisting that I didn’t need to write a love triangle–but that I should insert the potential for one in the future.

Martha Alderson emphasizes character transformation–but how was my character going to continue to transform when she’d already gone from helpless to powerful?

How could her story be more than a run for safety?

And what part of my protagonist’s character had to die so she could be reborn?

For two days I listened to Martha, did her plot exercises, and finally talked through the plot of book one with her. The Aha moments started to happen.

How could my protagonist continue to transform? She could stop thinking primarily of herself while others sacrificed themselves. She could finally commit to the cause.

And what could prompt her to devote herself of the plight of others? Witnessing suffering even greater than her own. The world I’d built had to be even more perverse than she or I’d had ever imagined.

And the climax? The worst thing that could happen to my character who was on the run? She gets caught! No longer evading capture, abandoning all hope of rescue, she would have to face her biggest antagonist.

When I go to write every morning, I don’t always know where I’m going, and I’m not sure how all the plot points will weave together, but I know that I must be harsher, and braver than I was in book one. Maybe book two won’t please my readers, but unless I risk it all, it will be a faint echo of the first.

 

 

 

Pick Up The Pace

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 I’ve always struggled with pacing. Pacing isn’t a topic widely covered in craft books and yet, it’s critical to keeping young readers engaged.

I’ve been revising my YA manuscript, so I turned to my writer universe for advice. This question inspired many to respond, and I want to share their thoughts and strategies.

First, what slows a manuscript down?

Carol Tanzman, author of CIRCLE OF SILENCE, noted that too many side plots and side characters can slow the forward movement of the main character’s story. Side plots/characters can distract, taking focus away from the protagonist.

But on the flip side, isolating a character can turn the story too internal, discouraging dialogue and interaction with other characters to move the story forward.

Many writers said thinking rather than acting is a problem. Kristen Hansen Brakeman noted, “I’m guilty of having characters do too much talking/thinking/deciding.” Patti Brown agreed, saying, “Thinking usually slows everything down.”

 Lengthy narrative can also be a killer. We love to “show” scenes, but as Dawn Baertlein said, “You don’t need to show every rock and tree your character passed getting to the skate park where the big confrontation is going to take place.”

My editor Mollie Traver commented, “One thing I’ve always pinpointed as a main culprit in slow pacing is the number of scene changes. No matter how long or short a scene is, each of those transitions is like a stop sign in a section where you want to be rolling full steam ahead towards a climax or big turn in the story.”

A major drag on pacing is a static story or character. As Kekla Magoon, author of THE ROCK AND THE RIVER, says, “Even a life threatening situation can get dull if nothing ever changes.” If the stakes don’t go up or the character doesn’t change and grow then the story slowly turns to cement.

Tied to that is a lack of tension. Without a goal or yearning to fulfill, and real, seemingly insurmountable obstacles for the character to overcome, the reader has little reason to keep going.

So–how do we pick up the pace and keep readers engaged?

We can tackle pacing at all levels of the writing.

At the sentence level, Angela Russell pointed out that “short sentences add to urgency.” Fred Borchers reminded me that “First person narrators might have long interior thoughts, but be less verbose when he or she speaks,” so dialogue can speed things up.

Nina Kidd suggested the use of active voice except when something is being done to the main character, adding that it helps to “Keep the subject right next to the verb or verb phrase.”

Moving to the paragraph level, Nina praised Melissa Stewart’s advice of “No paragraphs over five lines,” adding that short paragraphs make for quicker reading. Naturally, “Each one needs to materially advance the action.”

At the scene level, Alexis O’Neill, author of THE RECESS QUEEN, advised cutting and condensing scenes, perhaps making short chapters that end in cliffhangers. And making sure that “all dialogue is essential to moving the story forward. If not, cut it.”

Editor Mollie Traver suggested cutting a scene entirely if it isn’t contributing to forward momentum or finding where two scenes or two chapters could become one.  “Reducing scene/chapter changes and bulking more together can work like a ticking clock, imposing a faster-moving structure over the same story so readers feel like they’re being moved through the story quicker even if the actual material hasn’t been trimmed significantly.”

But how do you know what to cut?

Each scene must advance the story and as Janet Burroway, author of WRITING FICTION reminds students, there are four kinds of story action: Deed, Decision, Accident and Discovery. If the main characters aren’t doing something related to their goals and obstacles, deciding something, discovering something or being thwarted, the scene isn’t moving the story forward.

Shannon Messenger, author of THE KEEPER OF THE LOST CITIES, doesn’t stop here. She said her  screenwriting background taught her to have five reasons for every scene. It’s not enough to get a character from A to B.

Martha Alderson THE PLOT WHISPERER, reinforced that, suggesting that each scene include dramatic action that furthers the story, and  as well as showing the emotional development of the character, and supporting the story’s themes.  Martha’s Scene Tracker helps writers evaluate each scene for how it achieved these goals.

While it’s nice to think, oh I can cut here and there, condense and edit, at the highest level, pacing is linked to the overall plot structure and character development.

We all know that rising action helps move the reader and story along, but Martha Alderson taught me that rising action is enhanced when a plot contains four “energetic markers.”  These are four points equally spaced through the book where the protagonist makes a decision or takes an action that dramatically changes the direction of the story.

These markers also reflect change within the character to become the person they must be to succeed in the end. The character’s emotional development, and their struggle to transform from who they once were to who they need to become–must mirror the pacing of the action for the book to succeed.

Many thanks to the writers, editors and experts who contributed these words of wisdom. I hope will serve you as well as they have helped me.

 

 

More on Marketing

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Have you heard of the sandwich generation? Rather – the Oreo cookie generation. I don’t eat cookies, but if I have to imagine and analogize, well, that’s another matter. Forget sanwiches, I’m an Oreo.

People of this generation have young children on one side and aging parents on the other. I have only one parent left and only one child, no plurals, so my life should be smooth sailing, right?

Anyway, thanks to Monday’s post on marketing, I decided to ramp up my efforts and make a business Facebook page. (Thank you to those of you who replied and prompted further action.) I have a regular Facebook page, but I never go there because I consider it vortex-like.

So, I went to lynda.com to learn about using Facebook for business. Does anyone out there use lynda.com? I find it an indispensable resource for learning about any and all art-related software, such as Photoshop, Illustrator, and InDesign. Writers don’t use those programs, I realize, but lynda will also teach you how to use Facebook and Twitter for business and blog sites like WordPress.

The lynda.com title on Facebook for Business said don’t even bother setting up a Facebook business page unless you have a destination to send people to. I don’t want to send people to my general illustration portfolio site, so I’ve begun to work on a picture book site. I’ll send you the link as soon as it’s finished. I was hoping that would be today, but the cookies on either side of this cream have been squeezing tight. BTW, I see that I can now choose to be purple, red, or orange. (Or am I only able to vote on my cream color?) Anyway, I hope to send a link to my new site next week.

In the meantime, I’m including photographs of the real-life marketing materials I’ve come up with so far, and which I mentioned on Monday. I hope you enjoy looking at them.

My daughter made the cat below out of Sculpey, which would be a very fun craft, but it requires an oven. But the rings on the cat’s tail are a craft I can actually offer at schools and book stores. Don’t they look realistic?

Ring craft for ONE BRIGHT RING

Below are Origami purses that I think very little hands can manage. My daughter, again, made the prototypes. In my story, the girl tucks the ring she finds in her little purse.

Purses craft for ONE BRIGHT RING

These are greeting cards I’m not sure what to do with. I certainly wouldn’t sell them at schools! On the other hand, I will send a set to my editor. Maybe I’ll offer them in bookshops while I read. I don’t know!

Greeting cards for ONE BRIGHT RING

Below is the little handmade book I was planning to send to prospective bookstores and schools to entice them to invite me to read. Perhaps, I should rethink that idea. They take forever to make. Maybe a greeting card would be sufficient enticement! (See above.)

But I actually gave one to Leonard Marcus after I heard him read at the Eric Carle Museum. Is that weird or what? I love his work and wanted to give him a present as a thank you.

Little homemade book of ONE BRIGHT RING

Tweeting on the Tollbooth

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I’ll ruminate more on marketing in my next post (fair warning!), but for now I’d like to send you, twitter-style, to other people’s sites.

First is a post on a New York Times blog “Drafts” (great name) and is titled “Outlining in Reverse.” Besides being about writing, it caught my eye because I remember well learning at Vermont College to know the end before you begin. This a different take on that idea.

Second is a wonderful post by my former VCFA adviser, Laura Kvasnosky, on her blog, “Books Around the Table.” Her most recent post is called, “My Sister’s Novel Ideas,” and it’s great.

Last, I send you to a NYTimes article about the latest non-book incursion into a formerly all-book realm. I’m sorry, but this mother of an almost 8-year-old library- and AG-lover was touched. And, remember, AGs do promote reading!

Marketing

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People say, “You must be so excited about your book coming out!” Not till May, I remind them, and, oddly, it actually feels like an anticlimax. I’ve lived with this book for years now. Not in its hardback, to-be published form, of course. That will be new. But it took a lot of work to get to this point, and it’s hard for me to believe that this book could be fresh to anyone. You mean other people might want to read this old thing? Its existence will actually be new to someone else? I mean everyone else? You mean I have to tell everyone I can that it lives and is available?

I’m not sure I’m up for that, but of course I must be. So I’ve started thinking about what to do. The answer: Marketing.

Now, I’ve been ridiculously swamped with other, non-book things, so I haven’t even checked with my editor about what to do. I believe, these days, authors and author-illustrators are expected to contribute to the marketing effort. I have no idea what that means or what the publisher does. I was thrilled to hear from my editor that they plan to offer my book as an ebook, too. But, actually, I learned, they do this for every book now; she just needed my permission as a formality.

So here’s my list of what I can do. Please let me know if you’ve come up with other ideas for yourself.

  • List all bookstores where I’d like to read, and contact them. Now! And even now might be too late for a May release – ack! (See earlier “ridiculously swamped with other, non-book things” comment above.)
  • Revise my website extensively to give the book its own page(s). (May I just use “ibid.” from now on (incorrectly) to refer to my earlier “ridiculously swamped with other, non-book things” comment above?)
  • The book pages on my website should offer children things to do. What??? So far I’ve come up with PDFs of coloring sheets. Otherwise, ibid.
  • Tweet? Ibid. And why? But I’m interested in finding out why anyway.
  • Scour the web for other author-illustrators’ websites and glean from them ideas for bookstore and school visits. Ibid. But do those of you who are published do this?

    • But I have good craft ideas for school and bookstore visits. Do author-illustrators engage kids in crafts? My daughter’s school asked me to read the book, and the woman there said she’d never had an author-illustrator do crafts. Do little kids actually care about the writing and the publication “process”? Can reading the book itself actually fill a whole visit, even if I “read” the pictures as well as the words for the kids?

    And I admit it. I love the craft ideas I’ve come up with, despite ibid. Okay, what do you think about this? My book is about a girl who sees a ring drop from a man’s pocket. She picks up the ring, puts it in her little purse, then struggles to return it. And thank goodness she does, because that man will need this ring when he gets down on one knee. So I’ve come up with a craft in which kids make rings for themselves, using beautiful gold paper ribbon I found at, of all places, Jo-ann Fabric, fastened by a Zot and decorated with a sticky-back plastic gem. The little rings are cute! Kids could also create little origami purses in which to carry their rings. And then I could talk about finding and keeping and returning and things like that. What do you think?

    And what about the boys? They might like to make rings, depending on the age of the group, but I was thinking that maybe they could make pouches that attach to their belts! Ibid. Then again, every spread in my book includes a black cat, so how about the kids making black cat bookmarks? Doesn’t that sound like a fun craft? And it’s literary! After all, you need books for bookmarks. And fortunately or not, you need Marketing to have books…for sale…in stores…at least for now…until a different system takes hold…

    The Tollbooth Welcomes Caroline Carlson

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    Debut author, Caroline Carlson will join the Tollbooth crew starting in January. This month, we welcome her to the Tollbooth and ask her a few questions on behalf of our readers. 

    The first book in Caroline Carlson’s middle grade, pirate fantasy trilogy, The Very Nearly Honorable League of Pirates, will be published by HarperCollins Children’s Books in 2013.  When she isn’t writing or reading, she’s probably taking walks in the Pennsylvania woods, trying to grow plants without killing them, or baking cookies.

    An MFA in writing for children grad from Vermont College of Fine Arts, she’s also the children’s fiction editor at the lit journal Hunger Mountain.

    Naturally, my first question is what kind of cookies?

    More often than not, they’re my favorite (gingersnaps) or my husband’s (chocolate chip). The winter holidays are coming up, though, which means I’ll be baking decorated sugar cookies and that insanely addictive chocolate-covered caramel-coated cracker thing (which is not really a cookie, but who cares?).

    In MAGIC MARKS THE SPOT, the first book in your trilogy, your heroine, Hilary Westfield is determined to flee Miss Pimm’s Finishing School for Young Ladies to live the life of a pirate. Can we assume you, too, fled the world of tea sandwiches and petticoats?

    Hilary and I have vastly different opinions about both sandwiches and petticoats. I would actually love to spend my days wearing dresses out of Jane Austen movies and eating miniature versions of food. The closest I’ve ever gotten to this, though, was a ballroom dancing class I had to take in 5th grade, which was horrifying enough to convince even the daintiest young lady to take up a life of piracy. Pirates are never forced to dance with sweaty-palmed ten-year-old boys, after all, and they have absolutely no interest in the Electric Slide.

    You’ve written in your blog about the stalled novel, despair and epiphany that gave birth to MAGIC MARKS THE SPOT. Any wisdom you’d like to share with struggling writers?

    I still have to remind myself every day that writing a scene, a chapter, or even an entire novel that doesn’t work out is not a waste. The manuscript that I wrote (and abandoned) before the one that got published may never see the light of day, but I grew as a writer while I worked on it, so I don’t regret the time I spent on it. More recently, I’ve been struggling to revise my next book, writing entirely new scenes one day and deleting them the next. It’s been a frustrating process, and sometimes I feel like I’m not moving forward, but I’m pretty sure I’m learning something from all of this writing and deleting, and hopefully what I learn will eventually make the book stronger.

    One last question: how has your experience as children’s fiction editor at Hunger Mountain informed your writing?

    Reading the slush pile, in particular, is a very humbling experience, and it’s given me an interesting perspective on the whole process of manuscript submission and rejection. I’ve read so many stories that are well written and clever, but maybe we’ve run something similar in a recent issue, or maybe I feel like the story is more for adults than for children, or maybe it’s just not connecting with me. I hate sending rejection emails, and I particularly hate it when the story I’m rejecting is strong but not the right fit for Hunger Mountain. As a writer, though, it makes me feel a little better because I know rejections aren’t personal, and they don’t necessarily mean that I haven’t written a story worth telling.

    Thanks, Caroline!

    You can connect with Caroline on Facebook. Also, check out her website at carolinecarlsonbooks.com.

     

     

    Nonfiction Mistakes I’ve Made – And Ways to Avoid Them

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    This week The Tollbooth welcomes guest blogger, Nina Kidd. A Vermont College of Fine Arts MFA grad, Nina has mined her passion for the outdoors by writing MG non-fiction about wildlife corridors helping cougars in the Santa Monica mountains.

     

    As Nina says, my first mistake was ignoring nonfiction.

    “Everyone” in grad school was writing fiction. As an illustrator, my favorite projects were realistic plants, animals, landscapes. Duh! I had spent years writing and illustrating nonfiction, and hadn’t even noticed. Don’t be me.

    What articles do you hunt on the web? what was your favorite reading/viewing as a child? What are your guilty reading indulgences now? Reading passion=writing passion.

     

    My second mistake was researching too long. You know you’re a nonfiction freak if that is among your problems. Two strategies helped me tame the research addiction:

    Outlining. Right away. It’s freeing to cut away all the non-story to focus on that one narrative and central theme. Revise the outline, play with it, focus it. The book proposal must have one, so I feel fine lavishing time and care on the outline. And, yes, outlines are supposed to evolve.

    Begin to write –soon—before the research is done. Alexis O’Neill, who writes fiction as well as nonfiction, reminded me recently, if  a fact or date comes along that needs looking up, Don’t! Leave a space for it (____) and keep writing. Getting a draft down helps focus the themes and sharpen the outline. Of course, that’s where we’re all heading anyway: to a draft

    Don’t forget fiction. Structurally, fiction and nonfiction share the goal of telling a good story. How?

    Sid Fleischman reminded us all to “write in scenes.” The narrative nonfiction that editors prize is a story, basically a series of scenes and transitions. It’s easy to let transitions take over in nonfiction, especially if there is no live person to tell the story. But without fabricating anything we can still create a scene with action, tension and emotion. I’ll bet you that when people read your work, their favorite parts will be the scenes.

     

    Sensory details. Use the magic of specific sights, sounds, skin sensations. Jennifer Armstrong’s Orbis Pictus Award-winner, Shipwreck at the Bottom of the World will dazzle you and make you shiver as you sail with Ernest Shackleton’s crew into the Antarctic ice. Factoid: scientists say that the name or suggestion of a familiar smell is the most vivid and memory-evoking sense for a reader. That’s probably why cookbooks are so popular. Of course kids love the stinky ones too.

    Narrative arc. This is where you can really hold the nonfiction reader, with tension building to a climax. Something as basic as cliffhanger chapter endings can work in nonfiction to lure the reader into reading your true tale cover to cover rather than just researching for the paper the teacher has required.

    Tone can make even a scary-complicated subject more accessible. Do you see humor in nature? Are the characters in your story playful, prayerful? How about wonder? Is your topic lushly visual? Is there music in the spheres? Maybe, you’ll get to quote a wildlife biologist like the one I’ve been researching, who burst out that a life of discovery is “cool,” that climbing around outdoors is “a gas.” You can pass that unexpected grin along.

    I Failed at all-important Filing. But if you are a fellow filophobe, the following may offer encouragement.

    Make and label the files before generating the contents, for virtual as well as physical files. Following your outline, item by item, is a good way to arrange your files. For those of us who never liked putting the toys away, having a place pre-planned to put it encourages filing the work with the comforting promise you will find it again when needed.

     

    Color code. When I’m working on more than one project, it helps to know that all the folders tabbed with a green hiliter go in Drawer #2. Alphabetize files by bolded keyword if necessary.

    Photos: It helps to name them starting with date taken (or received). You can sort/retrieve “2012_11_28 Sweet Gum Red”  by year, month and day, species name, and/or color. This is a photo tip from bird photographer Doug Wechsler, director of VIREO, which has the world’s most comprehensive collection of bird photos.

    Footnote as you go. It’s a temptation to leave it for later, but Kerry Madden (author of fiction, and nonfiction) shared that mistake, which she made when writing her 2009 biography of  Harper Lee. At the end, Kerry confessed, she sat with her editor for hours looking for the source notes she needed.

    Good Feedback: One mistake I didn’t make was leaving my adored fiction critiquers when I was fortunate enough to find a wonderful nonfiction critique group. The two are complementary, with a nice overlap, if you can do it.

    Happy (nonfiction) Writing!

    Thanks, Nina!

    Nina’s article “The Cougar Connection: Mountain Lions Lead the Way to Conservation Solutions” will be posted on the website of The Mountain Lion Foundation www.mountainlion.org in the next few weeks. Currently, she is researching and writing two nonfiction books for middle grades. One tells the story of scientists working to save mountain lions struggling to survive in suburban Southern California, the other is a biography of Dr. Paul Beier, an American wildlife ecologist known internationally for his work on wildlife corridors, a conservation strategy to help humans and wild communities thrive side by side.

    The Tollbooth Welcomes Cori McCarthy

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    Exciting news at the Tollbooth: two new authors are joining the Tollbooth crew and today, I’d like to introduce one of them: Cori McCarthy, the author of the forthcoming YA space thriller, THE COLOR OF RAIN. Cori has signed on to be one of our regulars, so look for her posts after the new year!

     

    Cori and I chatted online, and I’d like to share what she had to say.

     

    Cori, tell us a little about yourself.

    I have a tattoo of one of J. R. R. Tolkien’s drawings.  I’ve lived in Ireland, helped build a feeding shelter in the mountains of Albania and looked for the monster at Loch Ness.  A military brat, I was born on Guam and spent the ensuing years skipping across New England and the Midwest like a loosed rubber ball.  Along the way, I earned a BA in Creative Writing from Ohio University with a dual focus in memoir writing and poetry, as well as a graduate certificate in screenwriting from UCLA and an MFA in Writing for Children & Young Adults from Vermont College of Fine Arts.  I currently live in Michigan with my husband, a history professor, and my one-year-old son, Maverick.

    Wait, you have a tattoo of one of Tolkien’s drawings? That’s so cool! What is it of, and why did you chose that particular drawing?

    My Tolkien tattoo is an outline of the tree of Laurelin, which brought golden light to the Middle Earth “heaven,” known as the Undying Lands or Aman. I chose this drawing because I’ve always had a love of trees, of their varying shape and seasons, which feels so magical even while it is a natural part of our earth.

    I should also share that I chose a Tolkien drawing because both of my older brothers have Tolkien tattoos. My eldest brother has Tolkien’s stylized initials and my other brother has the trees from the Gates of Moria embracing Gandalf’s symbol (my own design!). Our father read the stories to us as children, and the tattoos are a lovely reminder of that important family bond.

    You’re a VCFA MFA grad, but you’ve also studied memoir writing, poetry, screenwriting. How have these different paths lead you to be the writer you are now?

    Although I love writing for children above all other genres, I could not have found this path without studying different forms and experimenting in every direction. I do believe that having a poetic core has influenced my voice while having a screenwriting background keeps my plotting in check.

    Memoir writing was the hardest style to try because it brought out an honesty that is sometimes surprising (or shocking) and always a little taxing. I feel like I’m now more aware of what my emotional history brings to each page because of my time spent strictly writing memoir shorts.

    OK, so what about this outrageous book I’ve been hearing about?

    THE COLOR OF RAIN,will be out in May from Running Press Kids. It’s my debut novel and it’s a YA space thriller about a seventeen-year-old girl who trades her body to a darkly handsome space captain for a chance to cross the Void and save her  little brother, only to face the horrors of human trafficking and the costs of going too far for someone you love.

    I haven’t seen anything like this, and as a YA book buyer, I see most of what’s coming out on the market. So, what inspired THE COLOR OF RAIN?

    Oh, this is a fun question. THE COLOR OF RAIN’s premise, a teenage prostitute in space, was a “middle of the night, can’t sleep” idea. From there I wrote a few pages and told some VCFA friends about what I thought was the craziest, most never-going-to-sell idea for a book ever, and because of that, I took a dare to submit the beginning of it for my graduating residency’s workshop. What I thought would shock and give everyone a lot to talk about turned out to be something of a buzz hit, and I thought, why don’t I really write this novel? I owe that workshop so much!

     I can’t wait to read it and I’m sure your VCFA classmates are dying to as well. Welcome to the Tollbooth, Cori!

    To read more about Cori McCarthy, go to her website  http://www.corimccarthy.com or see her author page at The Greenhouse Literary Agency.

    Seeking help with my lizard

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    I’ve drafted a number of stories involving characters who live near a pond. The main characters are a lizard and a salamander, and I have not been able to get the drawing of the lizard right. That’s according to my agent (gently, elliptically), but I agree. I was hoping Tollbooth readers would be willing to help.

    Below are a couple of scenes from the pond world. The first, just below, is Newton’s house. Newton is a newt and therefore an amphibian. He’s not a main character, nor is the snapping turtle knocking on his door. Nevertheless, they are neighbors of the main characters:

    Newton's house

    I call the next image “Manny Watering Liz’s Rock.” Manny is the salamander main character in my stories:

    Manny watering

    I recently sent a new illustration to my agent; it appears below. My agent suggests that this illustration isn’t “soft” like “Manny Watering Liz’s Rock.” After I pressed her, she seemed to agree that Manny is fine, but Liz is not right (not “soft”).

    Liz

    Permit me a slight digression for a salmander-to-salamander comparison to help you judge for yourself if Manny works in both illustrations:

    Manny-to-Manny

    Personally, I like that the right-hand Manny glistens the way the salamanders really do.

    Back to my lizard, Liz. Unfortunately, she is not a cute character, and if I try to capture her not-cute personality visually, she ends up looking witchy or, rather, lizardy. I tried her in various ways, shown below, and would be grateful for any comments you’re willing to send. I’ve also labelled each, hoping that will help if you refer to them in your comments. BTW, I decided that “soft” might not mean cute but cartoony or, rather, a member of a imagined and simpler world. That thinking motivated drawings D and E. F also influenced D and E. F is a frontal, smiling version of Liz that I like. Perhaps F would look like D or E, if she were shown from the side and moaning. Maybe!

    Thanks in advance for any comments you might send…

    Many Lizes

    6 Little Known Tools to Flesh Out Your Sentences

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    Through the Tollbooth welcomes guest blogger, Vanessa Ziff Lasdon who reminds us that great writing begins with great sentences. 

     

    Ready for today’s grammar lesson?

    Arrange these phrases and punctuation marks to build a complete sentence. (Note: just because Harry’s name is capitalized does not necessarily mean he begins the sentence)

     

     holding his broken glasses up to his nose

    dizzy

    covered in soot

    Harry got gingerly to his feet

    bruised

    , , , , .

     Lots of ways to arrange these pieces, right? I count ten at least.

    Sentences 101

    A sentence has to have some basic parts in order to be complete and carry a message. I call this base part (the subject and verb), the Skeleton, the bare bones of a sentence.

     

     

     

     

    Sentences 102

    The extra stuff in a sentence, the Tools you choose to add in or leave out, I call that the Flesh - the meat and muscles – what makes a sentence uniquely yours. Consider humans: similar in our skeleton structure, but what makes us, us? Our flesh and how we carry it. 

    Let’s look at the original sentence by J.K. Rowling: “Dizzy, bruised, covered in soot, Harry got gingerly to his feet, holding his broken glasses up to his nose.”

    Notice the one part of the sentence we can’t live without: “Harry got gingerly to his feet.” If we removed this Skeleton, our sentence would cease to be complete.

    Notice, also, how many ways you can add, subtract, or arrange  Fleshy Tools around the Skeleton. Each time you do, you alter the content and style of your sentence. 

    Review Session:

    Subject + Verb = Skeleton (basic, but necessary)

    Tools = Flesh (extra details that dazzle!)

    Skeleton + Flesh = a more awesome sentence!

    Now there are 3 types of Fleshy Tools:

     Words   Phrases    Dependent Clauses

    And there are also 3 ways to arrange those Fleshy Tools:

    • Openers (before the subject) – Spellbound, she opened the door.
    • Closers (after the verb) – The dog jumped into the pool, splashing mightily.
    • S-V Splits (in between the subject & verb) – Joe, squinting in the sunlight, pointed at the kite.

    Now, if our job is to flesh out our skeleton sentences with more content and style, then we need Tools we can arrange in our sentences that enhance our nouns and verbs.

    The 4 Fleshy Tools That Enhance Nouns

    1. Prepositional Phrases (add details about time & place)

    She wandered along the river that wound around the woods.

    2. Appositives (define a noun in a new way)

    She chose James, the second youngest, who loved to read.

    3. Participial Phrases (add energy & action using –ing verbs)

    The snow swirled, blurring his vision.

    4. Adjective Clauses (answer what a noun has or does)

    That night, he kept a fire going, which blazed until dawn.

    (For more details on Fleshy Tools that Enhance Nouns, see Vanessa’s Grammar Tool in Google Docs using the link at the end of the post.)

    And The 2 Fleshy Tools That Enhance Verbs 

    5. Compound Verbs (add a series of energetic actions)

    A burning limb fell into the pit, struck the water, hissed like a snake, and went out.

    6. Adverb Clauses (answer how, when, or under what condition an action occurred)

    Lila could focus more, if only the hammering would stop.

    (For more details on Fleshy Tools that Enhance Verbs, see Vanessa’s Grammar Tool on Google Docs using the link at the end of the post.)

    Frequently Asked Questions

    Q: How do I know where to put the commas?

    A: You will almost always place commas around your Fleshy Tools. That’s because, a.) They are add-ons to a sentence and b.) When you read the sentence out loud, it just sounds right.

    Q: Can I add more than one Fleshy Tool to a sentence?

    A: Be my guest. Add multiple Fleshy Tools to one noun or one verb, a single Fleshy Tool to every noun in the sentence or every verb, one Fleshy Tool to just one special noun or verb…

    Q: Please, do I have to call this stuff ‘Skeletons’ and ‘Fleshy Tools’? It’s a little weird.

    A: Call them Wilma and Fred for all I care. Just try it out.

    Q: Umm…How Do I Remember All This?

    A:  Easy. Save this post + download Vanessa’s Grammar Tool in Google Docs using the link below (originally used for grades 5-8, but useful for all) & keep it tableside when you revise and edit.

    Q: Why should I care? (ie: Why are you intentionally trying to make my brain hurt?)

    A1: Because grammar fundamentals help us break the rules with panache. 

     A2: Because you control the content and style of Every. Single. Sentence. (So, may as well say exactly what you mean, whether explicitly, in metaphor, or through innuendo.)

    A3: Because sentence by sentence, your writing adds up to equal your VOICE, and your emotional impact on the reader.

    A4: Because even though your sentence choices will depend on your character’s motivation and personality, as well as the particular plot circumstances, it is still essential for you, good, dear writer to:

    • Cut dead flesh that adds length and clutter, not value and meaning
    • Replace fluff and blah nouns or verbs with focused, energized varietals
    • Enhance each sentence with such tools as the 6 you learned today
    • Read like a writer and hone your craft. Study and imitate the skeletons and flesh of your favorite sentences. Get a feel for how decisions on arrangement, word choice, punctuation, and length impact the meaning, emotion, imagery, and musicality of a sentence.

    https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B1eQ0eQHePNlWUVuc1Y1eHhaWTA

    More Questions? Drop a line in the comment section. I promise a prompt response.

    Vanessa Ziff Lasdon is a teacher and the founder of W.O.R.D. Ink, an L.A.-based educational and editorial services company. A 2007 MFA grad of Vermont College of Fine Art, she has a middle grade novel and a young adult fantasy WIP, and is represented by Sara Crowe of Harvey Klinger. Vanessa’s blog W.O.R.D. of the Week explores the power of words through writing practice, observations, revision techniques, and discoveries. Connect with Vanessa on Facebook and Twitter.